Working at the Dr. H Clinic in Malibu where the gym offers these skyliner views 1,000 feet above the Pacific. Miss my APx athletes and will be back in NC soon!
Although my weight has fluctuated 15 or 20 pounds over the last five years, I have transformed myself from a fragile, weak structure that was battling a dark secret to a strong and lean competitive athlete. I wrote about my journey in the May/June issue of WODTALK magazine.
Today I love to see a gains in muscular growth. It’s a place I never thought I would embrace or feel or want. It is an empowering feeling. I stand up taller and when I walk into rooms I do so with confidence and I love to wear my tank tops and my workout shorts.
As a recovered bulimic I must say that I have reversed the way I view myself.
I’m not perfect. I truly don’t feel comfortable in my casual clothing. I used to take care to make sure my jeans fit properly. I could squeeze in skinny jeans and see my stick legs fit just right (or so I thought). I would use my clothing sometimes as my gage of being okay. I also loved baggy clothing because if anything fit too tight I felt disgusting. Back then workout clothes really messed up my head. Shorts – especially compression shorts – just say NO!
Now with the empowering feeling of strength that I see in my body I LOVE my bra tops, my tank tops my SHORTS! For once I love, love to see the strength my arms and my shoulders show. However put me in a dress and I feel like a big muscle head and feel out of place.
So what is the plan or what do I do to accept my new look, my new attitude. I shop for things that make me feel comfortable. Strength is beautiful, not just in workout gear but jeans and dresses too. I’m passionate about feeling comfortable in my clothes – not to impress anyone or to try and keep up with what the fashion industry puts out. Throughout my thirteen year struggle with my eating disorder I have learned to be ME – what a great thing. Learning to be Me and fine in the clothes I enjoy did not happen overnight, it was a process.
My journey has been a fight to the death! I can’t lie. It is the good and the evil battling inside me. Now my journey has come to a place of strength, understanding and learning to accept ME!
CrossFit has given me so much. One is helping me to really, truly understanding strength and beauty. When I say beauty, I’m not just talking physical appearance I’m talking emotional confidence as well. Loving myself all the time can be a tremendous task. Yet the WAR within – between the good and the evil – has been won. Like so many things in life it is a battle. Sometimes the battle of how I feel in certain clothes or how I might be perceived in the a particular outfit.
Is there a recipe or formula that will help guide you into body image happiness? Is CrossFit the answer for me? I can say it is an avenue to develop and display mental and physical strength. With the support of the wonderful people that run my favorite site http://www.wodoutlet.com I know I can remain strong without worry of a relapse. My CrossFit APx box is a place where I can identify my strengths and weaknesses. A place I can fail honorably yet see the achievements in the same moment. CrossFit has given me a place of comfort both mentally and emotionally. My tank tops and fitness clothing, my body and how it looks are all rewards to my commitment to CrossFit training and healthy eating. The tiny, fragile girl, the girl weak both mentally and physically is not portrayed. I think my tank tops are a visual aspect to my new outlook, my new body, my new life. I do believe that if we are to accept the new YOU in clothing and in life then we will learn to dress our bodies in ways to make us feel confident. The War is over when we love our new, strong, and powerful bodies. Get strong, be strong, dress yourself to feel confident proud and comfortable. Be You! Remember strength in all it’s colors is beautiful. AL
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CrossFit APx is a premier Fitness and Conditioning facility located at 11301 Penny Road in Cary, NC offering the best in group fitness coaching, athlete development and private training. Come see our facility and experience the life changing results that our professional coaching guarantees!